God says, 'I miss you when you're not with me, come back.'
Jesus I don't ever wanna loose sight of you, ever again. Lord I thank you that Your love for me is eternal, and that even in the midst of all my anger and mistakes, You love me. And Your love never fails, ever. For You have loved me with an everlasting love. Lord I'm so sorry for failing to see how close you were to me, and instead choosing to focus on my circumstances. I'm sorry if I've ever thought that I could be perfect even without You. Because really, I am NOTHING without You. I am weak, but YOU are strong. And how stupid was I to believe all that crap. The ultimate expression of Your love was already shown 2000 years ago. I should've known better. You would NEVER let me go through the same thing ever again, You would never let any hurt or pain come near me, simply because You love me. No weapon formed against me shall prosper, for You love me too much to let anything happen to me. And really, what do I have to worry about. For You have worked out all the steps in my life long before I took my first breath of fresh air. And You know the plans You have for me, plans to prosper me and give me a future. Lord I cast it all onto you, and I say all this is none of my business. That You would make ALL things work for good for me. You'd take care of everything for me. For I am a child of the King, an heir of His abundance.
Daddy God's very beloved.
It's not right, to feel unbroken.
Your brilliance, I watched it fade away.
Empty except for an empty vessel.
There's no words left to say.
Beguiled by the stealthy devil.
The price I've got to pay.
Your surge of warmth, came and gone.
And again it's here to stay?
Your fragility, your innocence.
You bared it all that day.
Why am I always putting myself in this position. Do I really need this? Want this? Why do I have to make life difficult for myself. At the end of the day, all I seem to be looking for is the same thing. And when I do, I back off because I'm afraid to fall back into that one same pit I took forever to climb out from. What's this man. How's it fair to me or anyone else? Am I really gaining or losing by letting go? Jesus, why. Why is all of this happening, of all times, right now. Why did You put something into my life just to tell me to take it all away. Do You really want me to take it away? If You don't then, why am I lingering amongst the spaces of nowhere. Jesus, please. Show me the things I so desperately wanna see.
1. Don't you just love high school musical songs? Okay fine, maybe you don't. But I miss them, so much. :( All of the sudden!
2. Had a long day in church. Was serving today in youth choir and.. I really didn't expect to find myself a little freaked. I mean, I've been on stage with the CSS choir singing for four years but it's different knowing that people can watch you worship. So yeah, guess that takes awhile to feel comfortable about. :) I didn't actually feel super pumped to serve today, but I trusted that when I pour out the little that I had, God will fill me up with a double portion. :)
3. Gosh, DG dinner is alwayyyyyyyyys super funny. Haha. Bang, bang, bang, who die? Haha. Can't wait for the DG bbq next weekend! :) Was some random idea but I guess it's gonna happen afterall! Pray that everything will work out k? And pray that most of the newcomers would turn up. It'd be great for everyone to really get closer. Afterall, kingdom friendships are for eternity, amen? :)
4. I'm sorry, but it felt just like home. I don't know why I'm apologising, but yeah. I hope I'm not being selfish, and I do know my limits. But I miss that feeling.. you know? It's been, the longest time my friend. It wasn't nostalgia, it was simply that sense of.. knowing that I can be myself. Knowing that I'm free to be safe and safe to be free around you. I hope for the best for you, the very very best. :)
5. This week has been rocky, in so many ways. I don't know, just got alot of emotions to handle because things seem to.. go wrong at all the wrong times. But sometimes, I wonder if I'm the cause of all my trouble. I want to be filled with the exuberant joy of the Lord, how great it is to bask in His love. Well, weekend is here but I barely got work done. :( Better start on my homework at least!
Well, till next time my darlings!
SOME of Reuel! :)
I don't have much time to hang online so I'd just blog real quick. :) The Zone Conference was beyond words. I received soooo much and I thank God for just organising such an AWESOME event for the thousands and thousands who were there. Hillsong United and Pastor Judah Smith were super duper anointed! It's amazing to see soooo many people jumping and singing in praise!! Like Joel Houstan said, nothing is more relevant to people than God HIMSELF. :) It doesn't matter who's preaching, or who's playing, because He'd be there! The message that night was short, sharp, and powerful. There're so many things I'm ashamed about myself. So many habits that I can't seem to overcome on my own. And it hurts sometimes when your past comes haunting you. But through it all, I know I have a greater strength to depend on. That night was just all about standing with arms high and heart abandoned, in awe of the One who gave it all. :)
Oh btw, the pics are uploaded on my FB page so go check it out yeah??
There seems to be alot of things working against me right now. Some things that shouldn't be happening right now cause now's not the right time. Other things I can't seem to keep control of. And there are others, which have nothing to do with me but somehow just.. attacks me. I would say everything's pretty much very messy. And I've got to really, sort them out thoroughly and get this heart and mind of mine on the right track. Whatever it is, I know I will be overcompensated at the end of the day. :)
But at least there's one thing that made me real pumped today! Downloaded tons of audio sermons!!!!!!!!! It's like, finding treasure. Haha.
Alright, bed time for Pearlyn! Night!
THE ZONE IN A WEEK!!! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?!?!?!?!?!
Five things I need to say at 1.49 AM:
1. Had fun today with the Reuel people! Longgg day in church today. Went to watch Harry Potter and it was amazing how the image on screen was exactly the same as how I imagined when I was reading the book. Just shows how good Rowling is. Doubt people who didn't read the book or follow the series would enjoy the movie cause it was more of a.. 'in between' movie, more like linking up the before and after stories and stuff. So yeah. But still, love Harry Potter BECAUSE it's Harry Potter. :) Had so much laughter during supper and stuff. I mean srsly, when you have Ian and Charissa around? Haha.
2. Today was a, emotionally challenging day. From the start to the end, it was just bomb after bomb AFTER bomb thrown towards my direction. All the wrong things, at the wrong time. Knew things I wished I didn't, heard things I wished I never heard. So many things I wish I could do something about, while others, I just don't really know how to feel about them. And though I'm strong in Him, somehow I feel that it's actually okay to feel a lil messed up in between. I don't know. It's not exactly driving me crazy to a point that I'm gonna loose myself, but somehow, it just.. doesn' t feel okay at all.
3. I don't understand you, I thought we were cool. Tell me seriously, what is it about me that rebukes you so much? Aren't you tired at being so critical about everything, and everyone? To think you were someone who really inspired me to have the courage to proclaim over people's lives.
4. I'd pray, for you. And you. And me.
5. Tmr is going to be better, gonna go get to sleep soon. Night, people. :)
Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This) - Eurythmics [Cover]
Five things I need to say at 11.15PM:
1. Dang, there's school tmr!! :( Urgh can't we celebrate our youth a little longer??
2. Oh btw that's a vid of my sis and I jamming! My sister can sing pretty darn well for a 12 year old. I'm doing the harmony and the piano. I have to mention that because someone told me that I have a stunning voice only to find out it's actually my sister's. HAHA. :P
3. Okay, all I'm left with now is my social studies essay and my chinese composition. Then again, do you think I'd have the drive to finish it by tonight? Haha.
4. You're special, but not exclusive to me. Maybe in time I'd see what Jesus has planned for me. But for now, I'm really happy with what I have. I feel so blessed each day. :) I'm overflowing with testimonies to share each day. Life is just, really really awesome.
5. I'm glad I took that step to allow God to touch my grandma's life. It's really hard to communicate with her nowadays, because she so pessimistic all the time. But I'm sure His love reached out to her today. :) And I just pray that this seed that was planted earlier on, will continue to grow, to bloom and to bear good fruit in her life. I believe healing on the inside and the out will just keep flowing, keep going, until she's overflowing with it. :)
Time to get back to my work!
With the girls from choir at VCH! :)
Five things I need to say at 7.24PM:
1. TGIF!! Yay for the weekend! :) Got a longggggg one ahead, whoooopeee!!
2. SYF presentation at VCH last night. Was my last opportunity to sing with the CSS choir. I enjoyed every moment with my beloved choir mates on stage! :) Camwhored like crazy. Hahaha. Ms Wong has good photography skils. Hehe. Check them out on fb!! :)
3. Crap I hate to paint my own nails. I hate it hate it hate it!! It either smudges or looks like crap. Ugh. Gotta go redo them in abit. Such a hassle!
4. I wouldn't change anything about my life right now. I really wouldn't. I thank you for remembering me. It put a smile on my face, and a peace in my heart. I shan't worry about anything, because I know when you run to God He'd heal you like He healed me. You'd be alright, i just know it. :) Now I'm more sure than ever that one day we can be friends again. But I guess now's not the best time, not yet. It'll come. :)
5. I believe last night was an opportunity to sow a seed into my parents' heart. A seed of God's word. I'm sure in time, God will reveal the TRUE gospel to them. The truth about God's beautiful grace. My mum asked me, why should God help you when He has so many other people to help? I laughed, because I know my God helps anyone who calls out His name. :) The conversation came about when I approached them about the Israel trip again. They rejected me, again. But I'm glad they did, actually. I see it as an opportunity for me to talk to them about Jesus. :) The trip is in His hands, and what matters to me, matters to Him. :)
I REALLY CANNOT WAIT FOR 25TH JULY! CAN'T WAIT FOR THE ZONE. CAN'T WAIT FOR HILLSONG. CAN'T WAIT TO SEE A WHOLE STADIUM ROARING IN PRAISE FOR HIM!!
(I even dreamt about it, really!)
CAN'T WAIT FOR DARE TMRRRRRRRRR! :)
The world can say anything they want. But at the end of the day, it's ALL about Jesus and His work on the cross. It is THAT simple. It is NO MORE than the fact that Jesus laid down His life. Yes, not killed, he LAID DOWN His life. And he did it for a PURPOSE. So that we can be LOVED by God.
I don't understand how something so simple, so basic, so fundamental, and so beautiful
, can be turned into something so complicated.
It's solely about God, and His love for me.
Thank you, thank you, thank you a thousand times over. [1 John 4:10] His death is the ultimate expression of my love for you.
touched me. Thanks C Pat for sharing. :)
Five things I need to say @ 2.16AM:
1. Wow, it's been a long time since I've stayed up so late!! Been playing restaurant city and typing maniac on fb. Would probably forsake them by tmr and leave my employees to die of hunger and exhaustion in my restaurant.
2. I AM HUNGRY!! Gonna grab a early morning snack. :P Coco crunch and milo.. brb!
3. I AM BACK! Gonna watch Transformers 2 with my sister tmr. Wonder if it's gonna be good. Was skeptical about the first one, but surprisingly I was totally blown away!! I'm pretty sure Shia and Megan won't disappoint! :)
4. I was browsing all my entries from last time and I realised.. this site is like a journal of my growth. Really. Emotionally, spiritually, that is. Some entries I smile at cause they bring back good memories. Others I wish I never wrote because they remind me of things I'm not proud of. I was thinking about deleting them. Then again, a scar only makes you stronger right? :)
5. Level outing on monday.. changed me in so many ways. Was touched by His prescence, and His love for me. God knows me wayyyy too well and told me things I needed to hear all this while. Every single thing in my life that hasn't been right, went into His hands that night. Every fear, every insecurity, every hurt, He removed it. When God promises me something, He keeps His word. Thank you Jesus, thank you for over-paying the price. :)
I'll study tmr, I PROMISE! :P
No Reason To Hide - Hillsong United
Just watching this video makes me soooo pumped for The Zone! (Sry the lyrics in this vid is abit off here and there.)
1. Happy fathers' day!! :) To my natural father and to my heavenly father. Wooohoo! So great to be loved.
2. Went for youth choir auditions today. I THINK I TOTALLY MESSED UP, SERIOUSLY!!! By God's grace I sung okay but I definitely didn't leave a good impression at all. :( Ohwell. My destiny is in His hands and he wouldn't launch me until I'm totally polished and ready. So I rest in the fact that daddy God knows what's best for me and will give me no less than the best in His time. Or even better than the best!! Do I hear an amen?? Haha. :P
3. Wow, seems like its the season that everyone's wondering about their callings and destinies. I was totally blessed by what Anjo had shared with us yesterday and it just took a whole weight off my shoulders. I don't need to worry about anything at all, I'd just leave it in God's hands and he'd work it out for me. Every desire, He will help me fufil. He who has begun a good work in me will be faithful to complete it. :)
4. CAN YOU WAIT FOR THE ZONE? I CAN'T!! Can't wait to rock out to Hillsong United!! So excited, bringing friends and all. So broke now becoz we bought 10 tickets at one shot on sat!! If anybody wants more tickets.. I'd try to get it for you!! 25th July at Max Pavillion! Excited excited!!
5. OKAY, tmr is amath retest. I've barely revised. Crappers. But hey, I am a child of God okay!! :)
OKAY BYE PEEPZ OFF TO STUDYYYYYY! LEVEL OUTING TMR AT ECPPPPPPPP!